Guest Writer: Ellyana Blue
“You cannot heal in the same environment where you got sick.”
I’ve seen this quote before on social media. Each time I see it, its truth rings through my core.
I have this incredibly bad habit of attaching my self-worth to others. Whether it’s in a romantic relationship or a social circle, I allow my worth to be tied to these individuals.
Since second semester of freshman year, I was part of a friend group that a lot of people “fangirled” over. We were those obnoxious kids you saw in the corner of Dunn Hall, in case you were wondering.
I was with these awesome people day in and day out. We never left each other’s sides.
Soon enough, no one could do anything without the others being present.
If you missed out on a group activity, a severe feeling of “FOMO” hit you like a ton of bricks. It’s weird what happens when you spend so much time with the same people for two and a half years.
Eventually there’s conflict, eventually there’s tension, and eventually there’s fall out with one of the members.
I let so much of my self-worth be tied to this group. I didn’t know who I was without these people.
“These are my people—how could I leave my people?” was a thought I constantly dealt with. For myself, it eventually got so unhealthy for my own well-being that I had to walk away and get some space.
Yes, it sucked, and yes, it hurt, but now that I’m out doing my own thing and have found my independence without people, I’m better than I was before.
I have a better understanding of who I am as a person, I feel healthier mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
I love all the people who were in the group over the years; they’re all so beautifully witty, hilarious and caring. But sometimes, some environments make you sick, and the only way to truly heal yourself is to withdraw yourself from the situation, even if that’s the last thing you want.
So I challenge you to do this: this winter, let something die.
Let go of an unhealthy relationship you’re stuck in. Let go of the fear that happiness, success, love or joyfulness somehow isn’t for you. Let go of feeling unwanted.
Go outside, can you feel how deeply your presence is craved here? Let go of comparison. Let go of doubt. Let go of the feeling that you are somehow not good enough.
Because my self-worth was so tied up in these relationships, I felt like I didn’t deserve to be happy if my friends weren’t happy.
I felt like I faded into the background within the group. I felt like my presence among the group was not valued. I felt like I constantly had to compare myself to the others.
I doubted whether these were even “my people.” I felt like I was not good enough for them.
This winter, I let all of these feelings die, and you should too if you’re suffering in an unhealthy environment that challenges you mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Ellyana is a senior marketing major from South Whitley, Indiana.